Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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