I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
