I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Drunk is not a location!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
