i just sent this text using only my big toe
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
