This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize