Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
