ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
