if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
40s are totally the cure
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
