i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm too high and old for this...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
