I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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