I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
