fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
