Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
