I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize