It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
