Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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