dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
