I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
