If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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