I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
