i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
