After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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