Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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