i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had sex on a roof
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
