chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
