I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
