Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
