Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
