Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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