just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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