I'm drive I can fine osifer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
