Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
