so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
