i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
