Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
