So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
