Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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