Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
