Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
