a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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