would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
