So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
