10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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