Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
