2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
