She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
