if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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