my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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