this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
