I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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