last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
