Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
