someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
