Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
