I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
pray to the hookup gods
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
