angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
