I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Houston, we have a squirter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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