one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Pooping to opera.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize