I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
