Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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