I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
