checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
