My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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