I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to align my fucking chakras
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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