So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
