i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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