I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize