Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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