If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
