i barfeds in our rink
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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