My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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